Three Big Tasks For Men Becoming a Dad
There are three big tasks for men becoming a dad: connect to the baby, support the mum and keep an eye on your mental health.
These themes are built into the SMS4dads national text service, sending brief messages to new dads from 12 weeks of gestation until the baby is 1 year old. Dads get three texts per week on connecting to your baby, teamwork with mums and looking after yourself.
Many of the texts are from the baby; this is designed to strengthen father-infant attachment. For example, about 20 weeks before the birth, a dad will see this message, 4dad: Have you got your leave arranged for when I arrive, Dad? I'm keen to see lots of you. After the birth, at about 10 weeks, this message is sent: 4dad: Hi dad. If I am unsettled, then doing something active inside or out can be good for both of us. The texts are brief, but many have links to further information on websites such as Raising Children Network.
A second common theme is how to support mum and how to work together. Texts before the birth, for example, alert the dad to what the mum may need 4dad: Right now in pregnancy, discomfort is normal. Try offering your partner a massage or asking her what else you could do to help. A dad who received this text sent a message back, “It made me think differently and prompted me to do this. Thinking that she can't stop being pregnant at any time. Thank you!”
The texts also suggest practical ways to strengthen their relationship while getting ready for the new baby. 4dad: Spend some time with your partner in the kitchen. Enjoy each other’s company, preparing some frozen meals that you can have when you bring your baby home.
We know that, especially when there is a lot of stress on the family, many dads will not want to stop and take stock of how they are travelling. Even more will not know where to go if they do feel highly distressed. So, as well as messages such as 4dad: Feeling irritable or angry can be a sign of anxiety or depression. See your doctor if you are worried about these feelings. SMS4dads includes regular Mood Checkers are designed to prompt dads to take action if they are stressed. About every 4 weeks, a Mood Checker synced to common parenting challenges asks the dad a question. At 6 weeks post birth, when crying is usually at its peak, the text asks Most people feel stressed if their new baby cries a lot. How have you coped this week with settling your baby? . He is then presented with a 1 to 10 scale, indicating “not well”, “OK” or “Good”. The program responds to his “Not well” or “OK” by asking if he has someone to talk to. If he responds “no”, he is directed to Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) or Men’s Line to get help.
So far, more than 20,000 fathers have enrolled from every corner of Australia. If you know a new dad or a dad to be, you can direct them to the website www.sms4dads.com.au. It's free and dads can enrol anytime from early in the pregnancy until my baby is 12 months old.
Associate Professor Richard Fletcher,
Director SMS4dads
The University of Newcastle
richard.fletcher@newcastle.edu.au