Helping new dads with sleep and settling
It's no secret that the arrival of a baby means less sleep for both parents. When a team led by Karen Wynter from Deakin University surveyed the research on fathers’ sleep after the birth, the results were a clear warning for dads. While sleep improved for some dads, for many there was a marked increase in fatigue as the baby grew through the first year. And for those dads who were fatigued, their mental health dropped, the relationship with the mother suffered and they were more likely to have safety issues at work.
For the dads who are enrolled in SMS4dads, so far more than 21,000 dads from across Australia, sleep and settling are included in the tips and information that we send to their phones. Many of the SMS4dads messages are from the baby. For example, 4dad: Sometimes when I cry, I just want to be held. If I am fed, dry and clean, then some time in your arms might do the trick. But we also recognise that dads are not alone in having to manage the demands of a newborn baby. When we included this message 4Dad: Settling your baby is a team effort. Each member brings different skills. There are many things dads can do. Text 29 for examples from other dads and we received a huge response. We ask those in SMS4dads to give us ideas from their own experience to pass on. Here are some examples of the advice from one dad to another:
How I cope with the crying depends on how I'm doing emotionally. If I'm good, I can weather the storm until baby is settled. When I'm tired and fatigued, it's a lot harder, I remind myself that they are just a baby and it's no one's fault. It's not mine and not theirs. They're doing their best and so am I
Having our daughter sleep on my side of the bed helps us all get a better night sleep because my wife has only had to wake up when our daughter actually needs a feed and she doesn't wake up as much because she can't smell breast milk on me when I settle her if she stirs. I heard this on the ABC and it's working well.
Talk to ur partner about how u feel- how shit work is, how good it was, how ur child does ur head in at 2am when they scream in ur ear & wont sleep... its cathartic, instead of faking happiness
Don't take the comments made when cranky and sleepless personally. Sometimes mum is all bub wants. Your job is to help mum do that for bub. Look after the other kids, take bub when he's not actually feeding, let mum sleep for a bit, she's been up through the night.
Some couples are fortunate to have friends having babies at the same time so they have a group who are going through the same challenges and provide a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on. Other families have relatives living close by who are ready to take on some of the care and be a sympathetic listener to whichever parent needs it most. However, many fathers do not have mates ready to share experiences and provide advice. Especially in that busy first year many fathers are isolated and lonely and not sure if they are doing the right thing. Almost 90% of fathers completing SMS4dads say that the messages helped them, feel less isolated. Eighty three percent say that it helped them connect to their baby and 84% that it helped their relationship with the mother. If you know of dads who are approaching or just through the birth send them to www.sms4dads.com to join up.